Welcome to some new crazy series I am writing, let's see how long this lasts! If you wanna hear more of this, post in the comment section below, or check the box underneath this post if it's cool, all that good shit! Social media, woo!
Well WWE is weird and in this strange flux right now. With CM Punk out of the forseeable future, it looks like the Authority has to push Daniel Bryan to main event status, nah, the Face of the WWE. It's Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton in the main event tonight. Yes! Yes! Yes! The crowd went f'ing crazy. It was like CM who? But seriously, I digress, Cult of Personality, indeed.
The Shield vs Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, and Big E. Lanston is up first. Pretty fast paced (sounding) match. That's right, no video here, it's like I'm listening to (in Adam West's voice) old-time radio! It is quite interesting to listen to Monday Night Raw this way, I feel like it is some type of throwback way of enjoying something I love, wrestling, er, sports entertainment. Oh, now the video is back, but seriously WWE, I would listen to WWE radio, you know, because I'm old, I'm that over 35 demographic, but shhhhh, don't tell anybody! Now what's the station for NPR again?
The Shield pulls off the win after Ambrose tags himself in and captailzes on Roman Reigns handiwork, further making the SMARKS think that there is discension in the Shield, yes, eventually the Shield will break up, but I believe it won't be until after Wrestlemania XXX (oh jeez, I Smarked all over myself!). The Wyatts pulls off another brilliant promo after the match. The writer, be it Bray Wyatt, creative, or both, should be paid more, done and done.
Hey hey, another promo from #BnB, or for the laymen, Bad News Barrett! Oh Superbowl stuff, hehe. Lawler cuts off Barrett, talking about losing his job next week, then the announcers mics go out and they don't know, quick, cut to the WWE Network and now here's the next match. But after the commerical break, due to audio difficulties probably. Alright, maybe it was me with audio difficulties...
Cristian vs. Jack Swagger is up next! Swagger is brutalizing Cristian in this match. Crowd is behind Cristian in this one, judging by the WWE crowd, back and forth, then a quick roll up for Crisitan, creative is pushing hard for Cristian to hype the Elimination Chamber match. Swagger is going to be dropping out of the Power 25 this week! (Was he on the Power 25 this week?)
Up next is the WWE Tag Team Champions Road Dogg and Billy Gunn vs. Cody Rhodes and Goldust in a Steel Cage Match for the belts themselves. Now that is some PPV shit on LIVE TV! That is what the WWE Universe is talking about, that is what they say now "is what is best for business" and all that. Pretty exciting. Hilirious mic work between JBL and M.C. tonight, "Betty White is great, and your not." (JBL said this to Micheal Cole) Will Brock Lesnar rip the cage of the door tonight and demolish the tag team divisions again? I doubt it, Brock got his paycheck.
Right before the commerical break the crowd chanted "We want Punk!" As in CM Punk for those not in the know. To make a long story short, possible a work, but probably not, CM Punk took his ball and went home, thereby, possibly throwing a slight monkey wrench in Wresltemania XXX's plans. Maybe if they offered Punk a shot against the Undertaker (and the amazing "Streak"!) at WM XXX, honestly, that in my opinion, is the main event at this year's Wresltemania, that is followed closely behind what's match good ol' Daniel Bryan is in.
Back to the match. Man will Goldust even remember this match? Ouch, it's brutal as hell in this cage. Goldust finally makes the tag to Cody who's "on fire"! Cody gives a thunderous Diaster Kick finsiher move to Billy Gunn, but amazingly Gunn kicks out, Cody tries to take it to the next level and leaps off the top of the cage, but falls a bit short on Road Dogg, that was f'ing brutal, then Gunn hits the "Famouser" and then pulls the upset win. The New Age Outlaws retain those titles. No interference from Brock Lesnar either, hm.
Titus O Neill vs. Zack Ryder is the next match. Wow, Zack it's been forever. Woo Woo Woo, who are you? I see Titus winning this, but we'll see how the WWE play this. CM Punk chants starting again. The WWE Universe is hi-jacking the show again, I really wonder how long this will go on. Titus wins this once, let's see if Darren wins his match (I am assuming which will on Smackdow, Darren facing Curt Hawkins maybe), I would like to see the two go at it, as in Titus vs Darren at a later PPV.
Fandango and Santino Marella in a Dance Off. Hrm. Great to see Santino again. Emma getting her shot in the BIG TIME. Nice. It looks like it's Summer Rae vs Emma in a Dance contest. Emma wins the dance off. Hrm. Okay. I would rather see Emma vs Summer Rae in a actual bout but whatever.
Sheamus vs Curtis Axel is the next match, another chant of CM Punk breaks out as well as a classic "boring" chant. Axel is taking it to Sheamus in this match, Axel is focusing on Sheamus' surgically repaired shoulder. Thunderous Brogue Kick by Sheamus to cinch the victory over Curtis Axel. Brutal.
After seeing that Shawn Michaels DVD/Blu-Ray commercial, I thought I was about to see the next member in the WWE Hall of Fame. After Ernie Ladd, who was unveiled as the next WWE HOF'er! Good on you , WWE, good on you!
Some lovely banter between Del Rio and Batista, with Batista getting the last word (with his fists). Del Rio retreating up the ramp. I guess they're trying to build Batista back as a Face after the Rumble fiasco and the crowd reaction. Maybe! Maybe! Maybe!
Ziggler rolls out to the ring with a ho-hum reaction in the otherwise rowdy crowd to start off a six man, teaming with R-Truth, and Xavier Woods, vs the Wyatt Family. Good. I would like to see some Bray in the ring action tonight. Let's see what is what.
Alright, Rowen is a Monster, it's like Kane passed the torch without passing the torch at all, it's like Rowan ripped it off the catacomb walls and then burned down the village, let's just say I see big things for Rowen in the future. Spotfest near the middle of this bad boy. Bray gets the win after Harper drops Ziggler with a sick clothesline! Ouch. When is Zigger going to get a shot at some gold and out of the doghouse?
Hell the Shield promo was better than the match. Wyatt Family vs Shield at Elimination Chamber is money, money, money, money. Heck, WWE, you could put them in a program together til' SummerSlam and I'd eat that shit with a spoon and say, "Please, may I have some more?"
Aksana vs Naomi is next. Good back and forth. Quick match with Naomi winning after taking a brutal knee shot to the face. Update: Naomi got sick damage from that knee drop, so much so, WWE wrote a small article about it on their website, located below:
Naomi's Eye Injury
Now it's time for the main event. Bryan vs Orton. Yes! Yes! Yes! It's like it's the 12th man up in here (congrats Seahawks on the Superbowl XLVIII !, Go Hawks!).
Great match. Bryan bringing it strong then Orton. Then Orton back to Bryan. Each man taking the hurt on their opponent's body part, Bryan focusing on Orton's leg, then Orton taking to to Bryan's shoulder, great back and forth. Match of the Year 2014. WWE Countdown 2015 poll on the new WWE Network #WWEcutmemycheck
Man this main event is a Classic. I am just stunned, and the crowd is totally sucked in too! Bryan wins it to close out Raw. Brilliant. Beautiful. Yes! Yes! Yes! #YesMovement
Oh. Kane does the Heel corporate thing to make Orton loss seem meh, and it also screwed with Bryan's momentum at the end of RAW. Kind of a poop end to an otherwise amazing main event. We'll see how Smackdown fares with Randy Orton taking on Christian in the main event.
Til' next time, stay Sour! Ha! See what I did there. Until next time...
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